I'm normally pretty good at sitting in stillness when I'm at home, and I have the time already designated to do so. But here's a story I shared with Mae and Tom yesterday -- recently my CPE instructor told me to go down to the Emergency Department at the hospital during one of my shifts, and to find a spot in a busy area, and then to sit down and try to be still and do nothing for five minutes. I have to say, it was one of the most difficult things I have ever done! I found myself feeling almost ashamed for sitting there, when I felt this tremendous sense of expectation (probably from myself) that I should be doing something, helping someone. It was very illuminating to me about how I have a need to keep myself busy, or distracted -- and how much I base my self-worth on how much I'm doing.
Thank you for sharing that story, Brian. I find it very difficult to sit still for even 5 minutes. For the past couple of years, I have found myself craving distraction and find it difficult to just sit still and not be entertained (music, podcasts, etc.) or mentally planning tasks, etc. I feel like I am much more mentally undisciplined than I was even 5 years ago. I recognize that this is something I need to change, but it is really hard!
I'm normally pretty good at sitting in stillness when I'm at home, and I have the time already designated to do so. But here's a story I shared with Mae and Tom yesterday -- recently my CPE instructor told me to go down to the Emergency Department at the hospital during one of my shifts, and to find a spot in a busy area, and then to sit down and try to be still and do nothing for five minutes. I have to say, it was one of the most difficult things I have ever done! I found myself feeling almost ashamed for sitting there, when I felt this tremendous sense of expectation (probably from myself) that I should be doing something, helping someone. It was very illuminating to me about how I have a need to keep myself busy, or distracted -- and how much I base my self-worth on how much I'm doing.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing that story, Brian. I find it very difficult to sit still for even 5 minutes. For the past couple of years, I have found myself craving distraction and find it difficult to just sit still and not be entertained (music, podcasts, etc.) or mentally planning tasks, etc. I feel like I am much more mentally undisciplined than I was even 5 years ago. I recognize that this is something I need to change, but it is really hard!
Delete